


The Average Morning of a Misfortune Magnet

by danyaroo



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Hostage Situations, Injured mahiru, Kuro and Sakuya are low key buds, Kuro is his lethargic superman, M/M, Mahiru is an exasperated Lois Lane, Mahiru's power sucks, Mahiru's power tries to kill him and he is not impressed, Protective Kuro, Regular life or death peril, Sakuya is a great friend, Super power AU, everyone deals with a lot of crap to keep Mahiru breathing, his life is suffering as a result, protective Sakuya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 06:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12647790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danyaroo/pseuds/danyaroo
Summary: They had only gone to the store to buy milk and now they were hostages at 10am on a Tuesday in a store just a few doors down from a police box.Sakuya loved his best friend like a brother but good lord did he hate his power.





	The Average Morning of a Misfortune Magnet

Sakuya was admittedly a rather negative and sceptical person. So he often found himself wondering how anything relating to a force as flighty as luck could ever be recognised as something as awe worthy as a superpower. 

In a world where anything between one to ten percent of a country’s population had some sort of telekinesis, elemental power or physical ability, something like ‘luck’ just didn’t sound very legitimate. If nothing else, with so many visually amazing powers out there, it certainly felt like a cop-out on the cool scale and Sakuya honestly wouldn’t have believed it was even a genuine power if his best friend wasn’t a possessor of it.

Mahiru’s so called power was being a sponge for misfortune. That was it. Since he’d turned 14 he’d had the near uncontrollable ability to absorb bad luck, drawing all misfortune in range directly to himself and temporarily decreasing his own luck in the process. 

It was as bullshit as it sounded.

This was because as far as Sakuya was concerned, Mahiru's luck didn’t just decrease, it became completely non existent. How else could he end up a hostage at 10am on a Tuesday to a robber just the right kind of stupid to rob a store three doors down from a police box?

Like he said. Bullshit. And to make matters worse, they were being held hostage by someone that had somehow managed to get a hold of a gun.

Sakuya pressed his lips together in a thin line as he eyed the bullet buried in a poster for half price butter on the wall. 

That had been meant for Mahiru. The gun hadn't even been aimed at him but the cashier’s scream had made the robber panic and it was only Sakuya yanking him back, having assumed the worst, that prevented Mahiru from being hit and bleeding out in the dairy aisle.

It had been a terrifying moment that left Sakuya’s fist holding his friend’s shirt in a white knuckled grip, yet Mahiru had looked more resigned and apologetic than afraid.

This was the third hostage situation this year and it was only mid-April. They only counted for a small percentage of the shit Mahiru had to deal with to.

Just last week Mahiru had almost been run over by a furious husband thinking Mahiru matched the tall, blond and green eyed description of his wife’s lover. The week before that he’d barely managed to escape being crushed by a freak roof collapse near his university and back in February, Mahiru had been kidnapped in front of about 20 witnesses by a telekinetic woman who thought the best way to get her estranged kid’s attention was by holding someone 70 odd feet in the air and making demands.

Mahiru even had a friend that was a psychic and seer who gave advanced warnings whenever he could, helping a lot of incidents be partially or outright avoided. But Misono’s power was a flighty bitch, sometimes only granting him a vision mere minutes before shit hit the fan and by then there was little that could be done but ride it out. So on average, Mahiru had roughly three small incidents per day, two medium level incidents per week and one huge ‘Oh Shit’ level incident per month.

Small incidents counted for things like falling over nothing or getting coffee spilled on him. Medium covered incidents ranging from non super powered hostage situations like this, being targeted by thugs and being bumped into moving traffic. Big incidents were anything involving super powered loons, building collapses or serious accidents.

Mahiru could look after himself surprisingly well, all things considered and Sakuya would like to say that with the extra help from friends, Mahiru managed his power just fine. But really? Mahiru had only survived this long through a mix of sheer stubbornness and the fact his flatmate (and future boyfriend if Sakuya’s observations were anything to go by) was possibly one of the most powerful bastards in Japan. 

A powerful bastard that was currently running late.

Sakuya sighed as loudly as he dared and continued to subtly eye their surroundings. As was the routine when Misono provided no prior warning, he’d speed dialed Kuro from his pocket as soon as he’d recognised the signs of things going south. He didn’t know if Kuro had answered, but the guy would know something was up with his personal Lois Lane simply because Sakuya was the one calling. 

“...S’kuya?” 

He looked down at the sound of his name, both relieved and annoyed that Mahiru was waking up. The poor guy had been knocked out when their captor had slammed Mahiru into the wall as he declared them his hostages. He’d been out for around 15 minutes while Sakuya’s ass went numb from sitting on the cold tiled floor.

“Keep your voice down.” He whispered as the gunman paced the aisles in agitation. “The police are outside and they're making the idiot nervous.” The last thing they needed was Mahiru gaining the criminal’s attention again.

“Kuro?” He lowered his volume so that even Sakuya had to strain his ears to hear him.

“He’ll be here sooner or later. Just sit tight and keep your eyes closed, we're better off if the guy thinks you're still unconscious.” Mahiru obeyed and settled back down, but Sakuya could tell he was tense, his next words muffled against his jeans.

“Head hurts...”

“I know.” He murmured, giving Mahiru’s shoulder a comforting pat. Mahiru had to deal with so much shit it was ridiculous. “Never fear, Princess. Your NEET in shining armour will be here soon.” 

The princess bit earned his thigh a painful pinch, but the statement was no less true. There was no way Kuro wasn’t on his way.

Mahiru had been Sakuya’s best friend since middle school, so when Kuro had come along a few years back and snatched his best bud’s attention simply by existing, Sakuya hadn’t exactly been a fan. The fact the bastard was lazy, apathetic and about as emotive as a depressed sloth hadn’t really helped either. 

But for a guy that hated responsibility, who grumbled about how much of a pain even the most mundane tasks were and who seemed to exist just to sleep, snack and play video games, Mahiru’s regular near death experiences never scared him off like Sakuya had expected. If anything he’d just hung around Mahiru even more, making them seem like a set where neither was meant to be sold separately. 

Then they learned just how goddamn  _ strong _ he was as he intercepted threat after threat with little more than a sigh and a drawled complaint of soreness and Sakuya quickly found himself getting over his petty jealousy. Mahiru didn’t hang out with him any less with Kuro around after all and who could really complain about Mahiru’s new blue shadow when his mere presence had Mahiru’s monthly injury count plummeting to single digits?

Nobody could. The answer, for anyone that genuinely cared about Mahiru continuing to have a pulse, was nobody. 

Mahiru’s power really wasn’t one that promoted long life after all. They’d researched it back when it had activated and found it was the sort of ability that actually killed most of its users. Mahiru had surpassed the two year living average they’d read about and, at 19, had a living streak of five years and counting, but finding out such powers seemed to exist just to kill their users had scared them all shitless at the time.

Sakuya tensed as he spotted a flash of blue outside but before he could lean further out of the aisle to confirm it was who he thought, the robber, who still had no idea what he was doing, abruptly turned to face them.

“Him, get him up. Now.” The gun was shakily waved in Sakuya’s face as, naturally, the robber referred to Mahiru.

“He’s unconscious.” He responded tensely, gripping Mahiru’s shirt in a silent plea to not move. Mahiru was a great guy, but he was also the type prone to heroic bullshit when nobody else would step up to the plate.

“Then wake him up!”

“You knocked him out...”

“Get him up or I’ll shoot him!” The panic was rising and Sakuya could feel the tingle in the air that served to warn him Mahiru’s body was soaking up misfortune again. If this guy got a hold of Mahiru, he would definitely get shot. And since the logic of ‘unconscious people can’t stand up’ wasn’t working, Sakuya had to change his approach. He saw the flash of blue again, this time near the door. Kuro was here, he just had to buy a little time.

“Hey… You don’t know who this guy is, do you?” Sakuya asked, looking past the guns barrel to meet the robbers eyes as he struggled for something to say on the fly. He remembered how his hands had shook the first time a gun had been pointed at his head due to a Mahiru incident. How his heart had beat so fast it hurt and how he’d wanted to vomit in fear. Now he just stared placidly as the most punchable face he’d seen in months lit up at the prospect of having a valuable hostage.

“He a police officer’s son or something?”

“Nothing like that. It’s just... making him a hostage is a really bad idea.” 

“What? A-are you threatening me? I have a gun!” Sakuya winced as the gun was roughly pressed to his hairline, the robber’s trembling even more obvious now he could feel it directly. But he was safe. As fucked up as it was, as long as Mahiru was absorbing his bad luck, he’d remain unharmed. That was just how it worked. Mahiru literally made the people around him the luckiest fuckers on the planet by making himself the unluckiest in their place. The robber could keep his gun pressed against Sakuya’s head and could even pull the trigger but Sakuya would still walk out of here without so much as a drop of his blood touching the store floor.

The only remotely good thing about the ability was the fact the people causing the misfortune weren’t privy to having their bad luck taken away to.

“Not threatening.” Sakuya assured, despite wanting nothing more than to punch the guy. “Just look over there and you’ll see what I mean.” He pointed to the store’s automatic door and like the idiot Sakuya knew he was, the guy not only turned, but lowered his gun as well.

Sakuya quickly moved to cover Mahiru and what immediately followed was a loud bang, shattering glass and multiple voices all yelling at once as a dangerous gunman became an unmoving lump under a twisted mess of plastic, metal and glass.

Kuro, 22 year old super NEET, had finally made his entrance and had decided that kicking a glass door, frame and all, into the criminal was the best way to do it. 

Sakuya couldn’t say he disapproved. 

As police began swarming in around him, Sakuya watched as Kuro released a jaw cracking yawn before heading their way. His posture was slumped and his expression a blend of bored and tired. It made him look more like a student that had pulled four too many all nighters than the diffuser of an armed robbery but there was nothing to be done about it, that was how he always looked.

Sakuya scoffed and straightened, shaking a few bits of glass from his hair while making sure Mahiru hadn’t been harmed. Unfortunately, he’d just soaked up all of Sakuya’s bad luck so even after being bodily shielded, he had scratches all over the exposed skin of his forearms and calves. Thankfully, none looked serious though. “What took you so long? Your apartment isn’t even five minutes away from here.”

Kuro scratched his cheek, eyes fixed on Mahiru who was slowly sitting himself up. “Don’t get naggy... The police just started kicking up a fuss when I tried to come in. Civilian interference or something.”

“There are still cops in this city that don’t recognise you?” Sakuya asked, incredulous. Kuro had saved Mahiru from everything ranging from icy patches of sidewalk to super powered idiots singling him out for target practise and had done so for almost four years. Sakuya thought Kuro would have been a known face to every emergency service worker in the city by now. Mahiru himself certainly was and even now a few policemen were pointing his way and whispering.

Kuro just shrugged and crouched in front of Mahiru to look him over, the glaze of sleep still visible in his eyes. He’d likely been dead asleep when Sakuya had called.

Mahiru smiled a little greeting, the tension bleeding out of him at the mere sight of Kuro. “You can’t complain about me being a hostage this time. Sakuya got hostaged first.”

“Huh? How did I get 'hostaged' first? The cashier totally got hostaged before me.” Sakuya said.

“You got hostaged before me though, that’s all that counts.”

“Well that’s hardly fair.” Sakuya pouted as he stood, Mahiru doing the same while gripping Kuro’s arm for support. Kuro himself looked low key annoyed by the whole thing but Sakuya wasn’t fooled. The ripped tails of his coat had become elongated shadows that curled around Mahiru as soon as he’d started moving. They didn’t touch him, but they lingered close enough that if the guy so much as swayed, they would steady him. They also held up the magazine rack that had started tilting ominously in their direction as soon as Mahiru had sat up.

“Being a hostage at all is troublesome… You ok?” Kuro asked Mahiru before a debate over the importance of hostage order could start. 

“I’m fine, Kuro. Don’t worry.”

Sakuya snorted as Kuro immediately looked to him for verification. Mahiru was just so desensitised to life or death peril by this point that anything less than a blood gushing stab wound on his person simply didn’t register as a concern.

“He got wall slammed and was out cold for a few minutes.” Sakuya stated. “Are paramedics outside? He’s probably got another concussion.”

Kuro nodded. “Nobody knew what was happening inside so an ambulance got called. More for that guy than Mahiru now though...”

“I actually think you might have killed him.” Sakuya admitted, though he couldn’t bring himself to feel much in the way of remorse. Between Mahiru’s safety and that of the guy who hurt him, Sakuya knew where his priorities lay. 

“He’s alive.” Kuro mumbled as he draped Mahiru’s arm over his shoulder, his coat’s tails pushing the magazine rack so it was completely upright behind them. “Probably just broke some stuff.”

“If that’s the case let’s just go before Sir Compassion For All here starts feeling bad for him.” He jerked a thumb at Mahiru, grinning when he scowled and slapped his hand away.

“I’m not  _ that  _ bad.”

Sakuya just stared at him.

“Mahiru, you’re a big squishy ball of empathy and compassion that skipped adopting stray animals and went right to adopting stray people at age 15 and the guy is still living with you to this day. Rent free I might add.”

“It’s a pretty sweet deal.” Said adoptee hummed beside him, but Sakuya pressed on like he hadn’t heard him. 

“You are, and I say this with love, 100%  _ that  _ bad.”

Mahiru just glared, the expression entirely directed at Sakuya when Kuro wisely made a point of avoiding his gaze.

“Well if you’re so worried I’ll try to take a heavily injured gunman home with me, you can do me a favour by grabbing some milk before we leave.”

“What? But I said it with love.” Sakuya whined.

“Then you can grab some milk with love to. Besides, you think I’m letting us go through all this without getting what I came here to buy?” Mahiru used the arm not around Kuro to reach into his pocket and root for change.

“You can’t be serious.” Sakuya groaned but was ignored.

“This should be enough. Grab a two pint carton and just put the money near the register.”

“Of course you’re serious…” Only Mahiru would worry about grocery shopping after being held at gunpoint.

“Get the one with the blue label.” Kuro added like his late entrance gave him the right to get bossy to. Sakuya accepted the change with one hand and flipped Kuro off with the other. 

Kuro didn’t look particularly affected, but he never did. Didn’t stop him ratting him out like a child though.

“Mahiru, the green pea is being rude.”

Luckily, Sakuya could be equally childish.

“Mahiru, the super sloth started it.”

Mahiru was simply the parent that regretted ever having children.

“Just get me to the ambulance before I decide my head hurts enough to try and puke on you both.”

Sakuya cringed in disgust at the imagery. “Mahiru, that’s gross.” But both did as instructed with Kuro quickly guiding the misfortune magnet out of the store’s now very open air entrance while Sakuya began to navigate his way around glass, metal and the contents of a burst cola can to get to the milk section.

Surprisingly, despite the large police presence, he only got stopped once to explain what he was doing and wasn’t even told he couldn’t do it. The suspicious officer just continued to watch him as he got the specified type of milk, walked to the counter and placed the correct amount of money beside the register. 

He knew from past experience that he wouldn’t be allowed to just walk out of the store unescorted and unquestioned like the clearly injured Mahiru had, especially now he had eyes of suspicion on his person. So Sakuya wisely stayed put once his purchase was complete and leaned casually against the counter while pretending he couldn’t tell he was being watched.

“You again, Watanuki?”

The sound of his name drew his gaze to the entrance where he saw an older man he knew as Officer Yamato from the police box. He’d dealt with many a Mahiru related incident in the neighbourhood over the years and was so familiar with them that Mahiru had been getting ‘stay out of trouble’ Christmas cards from his family since middle school.

“Me again.” Sakuya’s lips twitched into a small smile when he saw the man had what he liked to call a victim comfort blanket under his arm. “That for me?” He asked. 

Luckily, despite his rather serious face, the old guy could also take a joke, which he showed by laughing at Sakuya’s cheeky comment.

“For you? Yeah right, you all need personalised ones with your names on at this point.” He shook his head and sighed despite the mirth lingering in his eyes. “Still, you boys alright? Been a while since I’ve seen you at a scene.” 

Sakuya shrugged. “Mahiru hit his head and got a bit cut up but he’s getting checked out now. I don’t think it’s anything too serious this time though.”

“Really? That’s good to hear. I saw him out there with that slouchy bodyguard of his but I didn’t want to interrupt the paramedic at work.” He gestured out of the window where Sakuya saw a young woman running the usual head injury checks on Mahiru as he sat beside Kuro on the curb. “Anyone come to take your statement or details yet?”

“Not yet.” Sakuya watched them for a few seconds longer, making a note to tease Mahiru later for how he was leaning into his almost boyfriend’s side. Public snuggles. So scandalous. “They’ve been busy with the injured guy and consoling the cashier. They even let me buy milk, though I’ve been getting some pretty wicked side eye for that one.”

“Right...” The man rolled his eyes, possibly at his co workers sloppiness. “Wait here then and I’ll get my notepad. The sooner we get this old song and dance out of the way, the sooner you boys can leave.”

“What? You want us gone already?” Sakuya asked with a sad look. The old man just laughed. 

“You’re like repeat offenders I’m not allowed to arrest. Still,” Sakuya blinked in surprise when Officer Yamato leaned forward and gently draped the blanket over his shoulders. “Wear that and try to look a little less like you’ve done this 20 times over. That should stop them staring at you until I get back.”

“Uh… ok?” Clutching the blanket automatically so it didn’t slide off his shoulders, Sakuya watched him go in mild bafflement before pulling a haughty face when he caught Kuro’s silently judging eyes from across the street.

Hmph. The guy was just jealous he didn’t have a blanket to.

\---

In the end, taking down his witness statement took almost 20 minutes and Sakuya emerged from the store just as the paramedic was packing up, another ambulance having come and gone for the gunman while he was retelling the morning’s events. As soon as he was close enough, he threw the blanket over Kuro before joining them on the curb. 

“You’ve gotta go to the station in the next day or so to give your statement but otherwise Officer Yamato says we’re good to go.” He grinned, glancing at the thin layer of bandages around Mahiru’s forearms and calves. “You haven’t been rushed off with sirens blaring yet so I’m guessing you aren’t dying?” 

“I’m a little worried that he lost consciousness.” The paramedic spoke. “But there’s no obvious bouts of memory loss or confusion and I can’t see anything else that worries me so he doesn’t need to go to the ER. I’ve just advised him to exercise standard concussion care.”

“No strenuous activity, if new symptoms develop, go to the ER, if existing symptoms worsen, go to the ER and if I experience further loss of consciousness, once again, go to the ER. Otherwise, instructions are to self treat with an ice pack and take aspirin as needed.” Mahiru listed off blandly, grinning a little when Sakuya laughed. 

The paramedic gave him a dry smile. “He even answered most of my questions before I could ask them. I’d think he was a med student if I hadn’t heard about him beforehand from my coworkers.”

“This is what… head injury number 42?” Kuro drawled, still under the blanket that he hadn’t bothered to pull off his head yet. “There’d be something wrong with him if he didn’t have it memorised by now.” Mahiru rolled his eyes and tugged it off for him, pulling his hood down in the process to reveal some serious bed head. 

“42 sounds about right.” Sakuya agreed. “Still, if you don’t need to get checked out at the hospital that means we’re good to go, right?” 

“That it does.” Mahiru moved to stand but ended up going sideways instead, a surprised yelp escaping him as Kuro tugged him to the side just in time to avoid a falling roof tile that hit the ground and shattered right where he would have been stood. The sudden smash left the paramedic startled and wide eyed but Mahiru, now sprawled in Kuro’s lap, just looked annoyed.

Sakuya eyed the broken tile beside him in distaste, his pulse having jumped when it shattered. “Looks like your luck hasn’t come back yet.” He tutted. “Probably because a gun was involved this time...” 

Mahiru just huffed and moved to stand again, this time with Kuro’s hand at his back. “I think you’re right. I was going to suggest we all go somewhere for a late breakfast to but it might be better if I just went home…”

“Home is good.” Kuro agreed, the act of standing up automatically putting him inside Mahiru’s personal bubble. “Let’s go there. If the green pea is coming he can try and beat my score or something.”

“Your score? Wait, the game? You beat my record again?!” Sakuya demanded, almost forgetting about the tile until he saw Kuro’s eyes widen a fraction as Mahiru stumbled back into him, a second tile falling in his former location.

“Oh come on!” Mahiru griped, startled and glaring at the nearest roof in anticipation for attack number three while Sakuya just stared at the broken slate because that was two.

Two tiles in under two minutes and each had been poised to nail Mahiru in the back of the head. 

“You really can’t catch a break, can you?” He said with sympathy but Mahiru didn’t even get a chance to answer before tile number three made an appearance.

This time no dodging was involved as Kuro caught it barehanded but it was a pretty solid sign that it was time to leave.

“I’m thinking you boys should go before someone finds a hole in their roof…” The paramedic clearly agreed, staring in disbelief as she witnessed roofing materials continually try to kill a teenager.

“Agreed.” Kuro looked serious and done in a way only things that tried to kill Mahiru could make him, uncaringly discarding the tile to grip Mahiru’s upper arm and start tugging him in the direction of the apartment.

“Thanks for your help!” Mahiru let himself be pulled along but he still waved goodbye to the nice lady that had patched him up. Sakuya gave her a quick wave to before hurrying to catch up.

Mahiru’s luck could come back at anytime, but until then there were dozens of buildings to pass, two main roads and a construction site. That meant no chances could be taken so he made sure to stick close behind. It was his misfortune that had been drained after all, so if his boosted luck helped reduce the fallout of any potential accidents even by a little, he’d stick to Mahiru like glue.

“Anyone want pancakes when we get in?” Mahiru asked, now walking under his own power but not protesting to Kuro’s continued grip on his arm. 

“Lets just get you back in one piece first.” Sakuya huffed, wincing as they approached the first road.

What greeted them was an average amount of traffic for the time of day and something that would be a complete non issue if Mahiru had recently used his power. But because he had, all Sakuya saw was a death trap waiting to happen and he turned to give Kuro a flat look.

“Grab him and run?” He suggested, knowing the quicker they were across, the lower the chances a driver would randomly lose control of their car. Kuro sighed at the idea of excess physical movement but nodded, ignoring Mahiru’s yelp as he tucked him under his arm and got ready to bolt.

What followed was a lot of dodging suspiciously fast cars, screeching tires and a lot of running and Sakuya decided that, once again, Mahiru’s superpower was  _ bullshit. _

**Author's Note:**

> The last 6 months haven't been the best for me (lost a parent 13 hours after posting a fic called 'Death Proof') and I've been writing a lot less as a result. But now its the month of the nanowrimo challenge so I figured I'd get my ass in gear. I know I'm not going to do the actual challenge, but I figured I'd just write as much as I could for as many ideas as I could to get back into the swing of things. 
> 
> Result one is this thing. Super unlucky Mahiru, damage control pro Sakuya and unenthusiastic but likely overpowered Kuro. I just like the whole damsel in distress thing where the damsel is less distressed and more just fed up and waiting for home time. Also, I like the idea of Sakuya and Kuro being buds, but likely never admitting to it and just sassing each other all the time. :D


End file.
